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I saw all this in that gaze, for I knew her like I knew myself. “I can’t do it unless I know you want it.” She said, “We have to take this dive together.” I knew then, teetering on the vertex of such a perfect crisis, that this moment would decide everything, but the decision wasn’t mine to make. I couldn’t want something that I did not, no matter how much I wished it. And I wanted with all my heart to not want this. I wanted to pretend in that moment, that I was who I’d always thought I was, that my nature couldn’t be so corrupted by such a heinous perversion, but I was too much like my sister to deny it; to deny the growing ache between my legs, the saturation of desire wetting my thighs, the knowledge that I wasn’t just aroused because I loved my sister, but because what we were about to do was so wrong. That a concoction of terrible parenting and sibling codependence had manifested such a darkness within me, and that I had suppressed it for so long that the lie had become truth. Here was my daughter, one that I had never seen for twenty years, calling me dad.Julie looked into my eyes with such intent it felt like the most natural thing in the world for her to call me dad. She saw my look and got flustered."I didn't mean to upset you dad... Bill... oh... damnit... you are my father. I feel so... different now that I have grown to know you. Please don't be angry with me da... Bill." Julie, I'm not angry. You can call me dad. I liked it. It felt... good, right. You can call me dad or father or just Bill if you want. Whatever feels right for you." I-I-I don't deserve to call you dad. I don't deserve to call you anything. Matter of fact, you should hate me. I planned to use you and trap you at the start of this trip. I was angry with you. I hated you, or so I thought. You should hate me."She held her hands over her face as she began to cry. I cut the motor and pulled her into my arms, the boat forgotten about as I tried to comfort her. Her shoulders shook in my.
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